Not to get all preachy, wait is that even a word? Hmm... well never mind that back to my obscure thoughts I've been mulling over for days... Fun stuff, don't lie I know you too wish you had these super interesting thoughts running through your mind for the last week! Ack! Hold up, I'd like to take a moment to shout out to my close peeps who know my tru over analyzer nature!!! Whats up guys?? :)
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lol! But seriously, do you ever feel like God is trying to tell you that what your doing isn't what he wants you to be doing? That you somehow got off track somewhere and are now currently running the rails without any brakes? That somehow every decision you make is totally right for everyone else but ends up being wrong for you and your family? This is where I am. I feel like I continually made plans that satisfied the needs of everyone but me and mine. I let amazing opportunities slip right through my hands in order to make sure I was doing right by others. Only to later have them do right by themselves ( which I don't think was entirely wrong on their parts... just really sucked for me.. haha) I realize this is completely over analyzed and possibly a bit dramatic, but when I put it all together the what ifs, and maybe's completely overwhelm my thoughts of how things "couldve been".
I have kept kids for nearly 8 years in my Home. I absolutely love it... especially now that I'm able to be with my own kids too! Sure there have been hiccups, exhaustion, and feelings of being burnt out over the years, but when I really look at this opportunity to stay home with my kids, I realize what a blessing it truly is! Originally my Home Daycare was just to help a church member out at FUMC when the preschool I worked at closed in 08'.....but then it grew both on me and in size. When we got married in May 2010 I had a great group of kids, one family let me know prior to my wedding they'd be switching, I though oh no prob! Only to return from my 5 day honeymoon to find out another family decided the time off I took was too long and they were off to regular daycare as well.... A few years ago we bought our Jeep so we'd have a more reliable vehicle for our new baby, but with that came a higher payament.. two weeks later the kiddos I was keeping gave notice they'd be moving to regular preschool and rocked my little world lol. Took several months but slowly new kids filled the spots and we were ok.. Fast Forward almost exactly 3 years, we made a move in the latter part of Oct/Nov that I felt would be a much better neighborhood and environment for my kids & the Home Daycare, plus our rentals roof collasped so we kinda had to go LOL! We were happy, excited and felt like things were falling into place... Then just a few weeks later I had a daycare kiddo to move to regular Preschool.. and al I could think was AGAIN???? Ahhh with just moving to a more expensive house it freaked us out... but again we got thru, made a new plan, carried on.. now recently just a few days before Christmas a second kiddo is no longer attending.. Its like History is continually repeating itself over and over and over. Every time we do something to better our life we get knocked back down again.. WHY??!!!??
Though this time we are truly trying to lay it all in God's hands I just dont know what the future holds.. and as a control freak that's scary stuff. Its hard to just see over half your monthly income just gone, no notice.. especially at Holiday time. As we move into the new year I pray that I can not only prepare my mind, but my heart as well to being open to seeing & hearing the plan God has for our life... I sure wish I already knew what he was preparing for us... my patience is much too short! haha
unsure emoticon I just keep asking Why? What is it I am supposed to be doing? Praying I can open my ears and heart to what God has laid out for us, and that he reveals it much sooner rather than later!
